The Challenge: Revise existing e-mail correspondence to improve lead conversion.
As one part of its advanced marketing services for clients, The Learning House initiates contact with prospective leads by phone and e-mail. I am currently in the process of revising these e-mails to provide a clearer message and present a more consistent image for these clients.
You can download the original e-mail copy here:  Download PDF
The Result: An improved flow of thought and more cohesive message.
One of the problems with the original e-mail is its lack of direction. Links and text are included in an order that does not smoothly progress from one thought to the next. The revision starts with a greeting much like the first, but it then progresses into a brief description of the program for which the lead applied. The first e-mail does not reiterate the purpose of the program and misses a chance to draw the recipient into the rest of the text.
The extra link to the online application was removed as the recipient still had other information to review before being prompted to take this action. The "Helpful Links" text informs the reader of the upcoming presentation of information before including the application link. This offers a more logical progression of action to the reader.
The client believes it important that their purpose and vision be communicated to their prospective students from the start. This text was not changed at their request at this time. However, the student quote appears after this text in the revision, adding to the continued progression of thought. The accreditation information that follows was also left untouched with the exception of removing the entire URL for the accrediting agency and inserting a simpler hyperlink within the text.
The e-mail closes out with a call to action. The online application link is provided along with contact information in the event the lead needs further questions answered.
With approval from The Learning House and the client, these revisions are now going into effect and will be further refined and tested against new copy. This will be a continually evolving process. Further revisions will be tested against the current copy in order to determine the direction that achieves the best results.
Christopher Roth 2009
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